Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Why Control Doesn't Work...for me anyway

Between my parents, my husband's parents, and being a parent myself, I have parenting on the brain a lot.  I think about why my relationship with my parents is the way it is, how it could get better, and most importantly how my relationship is with my kids and how I can make it as strong as I can. 

 I also think of some of my vices and why I do and think the ways that I do.  I certainly don't want to go around blaming my parents for how I was raised, because they did the best they could with what they had, and blaming them is only going to put me in victim mode.  When you're in victim mode you can't solve your own problems because they aren't yours, they are the work of someone else, right?  I only like to understand some of my vices so that I can fix them and not pass them on to my children.

I couldn't sleep last night, so of course, I turn on Netflix.  My husband and I have been watching this show Parenthood, (it was only a matter of time before I watched a show with a name like that.:)and the episode I watched last night had this awesome seen in it that sparked this blog post, among other things.  The episode is called Rubberband Ball and is episode 8 from season 1 if you want to watch it.  There is a scene in there with a mother and her rebellious daughter where the mother says "I' done trying to control you.  From now on I'm going to try trusting you and just get along with you."  I loved it!  I wish I could find the clip so you could watch it.  If you have Netflix you should check this show out.  Its a good one.

I remember being a teenager, and I was pretty tame, at least in comparison with some of my friends, but I was probably considered rebellious.  I think the rebelliousness came, or I guess I should say comes, from control.  I can't tell you how many times I wanted to do something just because I wasn't supposed to.  I think its just natural.  We crave freedom, and the ability to make our own choices.  You see it in the youngest of children, or at least, I see it in mine. :)  I don't want to push my children away by forcing them into choices they don't want to choose.  Especially if its a good choice that they just don't want to make because they aren't free to make it for themselves!  I want to be my child's guide through this world.  I'm not raising a robot that I want to do my will.  I am raising a human being that I want to be able to find happiness, whatever that means to them.  I think the way to do that is to let go of the control button. You can't have a rebellious child if they have nothing to rebel against. ;)

I don't claim to know what I'm doing.  I want to know who actually knows the recipe for raising a good human being?  All I can speak from is my personal experience with my kids, and when I let go of trying to control my little ones they respond to me so much better.  Our relationship can flow easily when it becomes more of a dialogue than a monologue.  

I have joined the Peaceful Parenting Revolution, and maybe you should too. ;)

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