So, have you ever had one of those times in your life where you just felt like things either were changing, or they desperately needed to? Yeah, I'm going through one of those times right now. I just went through my list of blogs that I followed and deleted at least half. Most of what I was reading was home decor and remodeling things. I am still interested in sprucing up my home, but that is not my main area of interest. Its not my passion, it isn't what keeps me awake at night. I need more inspiration, more food for my soul, more...transformational reading!! I need enlightenment, and reading about how to brighten up my living room isn't going to give me that. I can't speak for anyone else, because it really seems to do the trick for some of the writers of the blogs that I unfollowed, but it just isn't enough for me anymore.
I have a desire to inspire as I have been inspired. Someone once told me to be the kind of person that I would like to meet, and I have spent a lot of time pondering that. I don't want to be ordinary anymore. I don't want to pretend that I fit in, because I so don't fit in. This is kind of an uncomfortable place for me to be though. If you know me, you know I'm friendly and social and I like to be liked. Who doesn't? Lets be honest.
I was telling my husband last night that, right now, I feel like I am in between a rock and a hard place. The rock is that most of what is inspirational to me is a little offensive to many of my friends and family, and the hard place is I can't just stop seeking it out because others don't like it.
So, I think I just figured out my problem. That's right, writing things helps me sort out my thoughts. This is so difficult because I let what people think of me matter more than what I want and what I think of me. Huh...so what's the answer? I don't know. I'm figuring my life out one step at a time, just like all of you. Its hard to go through life without support. Luckily I have my husband and kids and some extended family who love me regardless. Its just that when I was growing up, my friends were my family, and its weird that that is suddenly turning around. I don't know what to do with myself without a girl friend to cry to. My husband will just have to get in touch with his feminine side. ;)
So what is it that inspires me? Anything that would make life better. Better for me, better for my kids, better for you! In order for that to happen I have to let go of a lot of things that just aren't working to do that for me. The world is a changing, and I am embracing the change. People sometimes like to tell me that they think the world is getting worse, well, I don't believe it. I see some amazing good happening, and its growing, and I want to be a part of that growth. It feels good to be in charge of my life. A friend of mine just sent me an email that said something to the effect of, "if you aren't consciously choosing what you believe you are living your life unconsciously." So this is me, living my life consciously!
So...could this post have been any more vague? Ha! I know! This post was probably more for me than for anyone who reads it. Not even sure if anyone will read it, but if you do, I hope you were inspired to live your life in a conscious way, if you aren't already. ;)
Oh, and one of my goals is to become a better writer, so I am going to go at it by blogging. If anyone would like to critique my writing your comments are welcome. Thanks for reading!!
I think I will sign off with a quote from Will Smith, because he is awesome...and this quote totally resonates with how I have been feeling lately.